Last week I turned 30. The societal- set benchmark for when you allegedly have your shit together.
For me, this appears to be a redundant concept. The last few months have proved somewhat difficult and the plans I had in place have not gone, well, to plan…
I was promoted earlier in the year but subsequently quit my job all together a few months later. I curbed my spending and then, curve ball, wacked out an extortionate amount on a Prada bag (a ‘needs to be insured’ level of spend). I’ve still not clicked the lid off of my sharpie and have made no attempts to put some initial design thoughts on paper. AND it’s taken me seven months to write a follow up to my first journal entry. You get the gist.
The big three - O has me with a somewhat blank horizon, a quarter life crisis if you like. After three decades my life is now a landscape with nothing on it. My severe lack of direction and self-discipline throughout my twenties could be viewed as failure at this point but the sentiment in ‘you learn something from everything’ I can now, knowingly say, has some truth in it.
It’s taken the last decade to see what has always been right in front of me but it’s also taken the same amount of time for me to learn the skills I need to implement it. The realization that life isn’t linear is somewhat profound when you finally get there. Life doesn’t follow lists, so having an expectation of what you will be by a certain age is completely ridiculous. I get that now.
By having set expectations I’ve limited myself, resisting bold decisions for fear of failure; not meeting the targets I’ve placed upon myself.
When I have imagined my future self there have always been certain consistencies. My thoughts have evolved as I have too but the bare bones of what I want from life, what I want to achieve, where I want to be, ‘who I want to be’ have remained relatively static.
It’s time to stop being invested in things that don’t contribute towards what I actually want and instead, quite frankly, get on with getting what I do want.
I am 30 and I am not irrelevant.